Marilyn's Mussings

Being a mother is a journey. The responsibility is huge, but the joy is even greater. At the outset, our lives are immediately and forever changed because our hearts are involved in a different way than ever before. The change prepares us for the trip but also makes us vulnerable along the way.  As we go, we bask on the mountaintops of exceeding joy and struggle through the valleys of difficulty. The shared adventures of happiness, sadness, laughter and tears, provide a strong bond for the family of origin. When our children marry, our journey changes but is not over. It is enriched, first by their spouses, then by their children. Just as the mother's family multiplies, so does her love. The heart has a great capacity to love. Our children's spouses are a treasured part of our family and we receive them with joy. But the excessive and outrageous love one feels for a grandchild is a mystery. Mixed up in there somewhere is the inseparable love for their parents. Where one stops ...

Before I began writing about mothering mothers, I survey between forty and fifty young mothers. I asked them to tell me what they need from their mothers and mothers-in-law. They were to include both things they need and have, and things they need but do not have. I found their comments to fall into four general categories: Affirmation and Encouragement Boundaries Help Unconditional Love By far the most comments were about unconditional love. What a great reminder. The unconditional love that flooded our hearts when we became mothers is still what they crave most. A fresh reading of 1 Corinthians 13 as the mother of a mother is powerful! Love and pray for them as they make decisions and establish their own traditions. Support them as they blend two new families in a world that differs from the one in which they were raised. Loving them unconditionally through this process will provide them not only affirmation, but security also. Offer them advice when asked but tell them often ...

I remember the first time I took my sixteen-month-old grandson to lunch. It was our first excursion for just the two of us and I was so delighted to spend time with the little man. But oh my! I had forgotten how much was involved. It began with me juggling Jonathan, money, and mandarin oranges at the cash register, and ended with renegade milk leaping into the air while I grabbed for my running toddler! Mothers need help! But asking for help is sometimes difficult. In What Every Mom Needs , Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall recognize that "most of us go to great lengths on our own before actually asking for help."  The reasons for this are varied but most boil down to a feeling of guilt. Somehow we as mothers think we should be able to do it all, that other mothers do it all, and we are expected to do it all. We reason, "we've made the choice to be mothers, and now we will deal with whatever motherhood throws our way." Life situations from unexpected pregnancy ...

The powerful influence of a mother in a woman’s life cannot be overstated. She longs for your affirmation and will receive it partly in how you exhibit trust in her by respecting the choices she makes as a mother. It is important to remember that God has entrusted your grandchild to his parents. They are a team, responsible to each other and to God. When they make decisions that differ from their family of origin, no judgment or criticism should be implied. Just as we stood on the sidelines cheering them on as they worked together with sports or academic teams, encouragement and support from us is most effective. They are directly involved in the "game" and God Himself is their "coach." While we resist the temptation to correct or criticize the parenting style, if the child’s well-being is in danger she should be told. She wants that. One mother said "Tell me if I am making a horrible mistake!" However, most of what we want to share is preference an...

Unlike the workforce, being a mother has no purposeful time-line for evaluation and the little ones who say thank you, do so at her direction. If you are a woman of influence in a young mother's life, tell her how proud you are of her as a mother. Acknowledge how hard she works. Tell her often and be specific. Empty flattery is worthless but a casual observation of this young woman's day yields plenty to highlight. Find out what mode of communication the young mother in your life enjoys. A note in the mail or words on her facebook wall might be just the pick-me-up she needs. An encouraging text message straight from the scripture is always good.  I was busy at home one day enjoying a sweet memory of my last visit with my daughter and grandson. He was less than a year old, but as she corrected him she talked to him about making good choices. My heart swelled as I thought about what a good mother she was. Then I suddenly realized that more than enjoying that warm fuzzy feeling,...

“Dum dity, dum dity, dum dum dum” I said to Jonathan as we played in the floor. With bright eyes and determination, he scampered down the hall to find the familiar yellow book filled with monkeys. I looked across the room at the baby’s young mother. Not so many years ago I read the same book to her.  I was consciously aware that in some sense, I had passed a baton to her. I was no longer a primary player in this mother-child relationship, and she was doing the job that I had done for years. The responsibility for Jonathan was hers. The comfortable role of mother that I loved dearly was also hers. As Jonathan crawled into my lap with the book, I closed my eyes and tried to breath in the privilege of the moment. My busy one-year-old grandson snuggled close and waited with anticipation. Eager to join him in his wonder, I opened the Dr. Seuss classic. One short year ago, Jonathan came home from the hospital with parents as new as his car seat and crib. I was there to offer my expert...

". . . He saw James son of Zebedee and his brother John in a boat, preparing their nets. Without delay He called them, and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired men and followed Him." Mark 1:19-20 I love this scripture and the picture in draws in my mind of two adult men with their father. Jesus said come and they dropped everything. What a thrilling experience for those two young men. I have prayed that for my children, that they drop everything and go with Jesus wherever He wants them. In my later years, I think about Zebedee. He was there too. I wonder if he prayed for his boys. Scripture doesn't tell us much about Zebedee, but what it does tell us is that he was their Daddy and they helped him fish. For me, the best part of fishing with my daddy was the time we spent together. Zebedee must have spent hours of time with his boys. This morning I received pictures I had made of my family in July. It is late afternoon and I have done little else th...

Dear child, I was your mother long before I was this child’s grandmother. We have gone on a long and wonderful journey together. From the first time I held you in my arms, you have been stretching for your independence. I cheered you on as you took each monumental step and helped you establish ownership of your life. As you pushed me away with one hand, you pulled me close with the other until as we found the delicate balance between your need for both my affirmation and my respect of your boundaries. Now you have a journey of your own. You have the privilege and responsibility of pouring your life into your little ones as I poured my life into you. They too, are already stretching for independence and as you help them establish ownership of their lives, I am still cheering you on with each monumental step. My joy for you is only exceeded by my pride in you as you embrace the responsibility. I am Nana, but I am and will always be your mother, the roll I cherished first. I love you.

My new grandson, James Blake, was born last Friday. That was in Georgia, five and a half hours away from my house. We were blessed to be able to be there for the weekend. He weighed seven pounds, twelve ounces and is just a perfect little man. I already love him. His mom and dad are going to be great parents. I think he has his daddy's mouth and chin and his mother's eyes. He is wonderful! Jonathan (my first grandson) celebrated his first birthday that same day. That was in New Orleans five hours away from my house in the opposite direction. We were not able to be there for the party. But my sweet daughter reenacted the whole thing for us on Monday. (Birthdays have always been a big deal at my house!) This little fellow's smile encompasses his whole body and my whole heart! He is wonderful! Back home on Wednesday, Beth Moore came to Birmingham for a book signing. What a surprise for me! So I got to meet Beth Moore! I got tears in my throat when I told her how God had u...

Yes, I said eight. I know you only see seven, but there really are eight! Stephen and Kassi are expecting! My first grandbaby was born February 5, 2009. My next grandbaby is due February 11, 2010. If I had a new grandbaby every February it would be ok with me!