Marilyn's Mussings

We were living in Japan in the Fall of 1967 and Billy Graham was coming to Tokyo. The whole church buzzed with excitement. As they made plans to take a group each night, I made plans to invite my friend Maya. Maya did not attend our church, her family was Catholic, but she was a good friend and I loved her. She was as excited as I was at the prospect of an adventure to Tokyo and ran into her house to ask her mother if she could go. Maya's mother said yes, but with one requirement. She had to go to confession first. My 11 year old mind was puzzled. Not knowing the mind of her mother, I still wonder if she wanted to make sure Maya was all "confessed up" before going to a religious gathering, or if it was such a bad thing to go hear the protestant evangelist that she needed to confess ahead of time. So I dismissed the whole priest thing at that point and decided that was for Catholics and the Old Testament.  You can do that for a while...until you read Hebrews. God began app

It was Leah's birthday and her big present was a new desk for her room. Stephen was four and very excited to be in on the secret. We emphasized over and over that he was not to tell Leah about the gift. That evening, the cake was set before her and the candles were lit. Before we could sing the first note of "Happy Birthday," Stephen blurted out "We got you a present and it's not a desk!" Kids are easy to read, so much so that many times there's no reading involved, just listening. Adults, however are much more savvy. Knocks in life teach us to hide thoughts and feelings that might make us vulnerable. Even in our inner dialog, we may question, spin, and justify motives until we have masked the truth from ourselves. God knows, but a busy life is fertile soil for not acknowledging Him in those matters. Hebrews 4:12 is a verse we all love and many have memorized.  For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword. It speaks of the p

Being a mother is a journey. The responsibility is huge, but the joy is even greater. At the outset, our lives are immediately and forever changed because our hearts are involved in a different way than ever before. The change prepares us for the trip but also makes us vulnerable along the way.  As we go, we bask on the mountaintops of exceeding joy and struggle through the valleys of difficulty. The shared adventures of happiness, sadness, laughter and tears, provide a strong bond for the family of origin. When our children marry, our journey changes but is not over. It is enriched, first by their spouses, then by their children. Just as the mother's family multiplies, so does her love. The heart has a great capacity to love. Our children's spouses are a treasured part of our family and we receive them with joy. But the excessive and outrageous love one feels for a grandchild is a mystery. Mixed up in there somewhere is the inseparable love for their parents. Where one stops

Before I began writing about mothering mothers, I survey between forty and fifty young mothers. I asked them to tell me what they need from their mothers and mothers-in-law. They were to include both things they need and have, and things they need but do not have. I found their comments to fall into four general categories: Affirmation and Encouragement Boundaries Help Unconditional Love By far the most comments were about unconditional love. What a great reminder. The unconditional love that flooded our hearts when we became mothers is still what they crave most. A fresh reading of 1 Corinthians 13 as the mother of a mother is powerful! Love and pray for them as they make decisions and establish their own traditions. Support them as they blend two new families in a world that differs from the one in which they were raised. Loving them unconditionally through this process will provide them not only affirmation, but security also. Offer them advice when asked but tell them often

I remember the first time I took my sixteen-month-old grandson to lunch. It was our first excursion for just the two of us and I was so delighted to spend time with the little man. But oh my! I had forgotten how much was involved. It began with me juggling Jonathan, money, and mandarin oranges at the cash register, and ended with renegade milk leaping into the air while I grabbed for my running toddler! Mothers need help! But asking for help is sometimes difficult. In What Every Mom Needs , Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall recognize that "most of us go to great lengths on our own before actually asking for help."  The reasons for this are varied but most boil down to a feeling of guilt. Somehow we as mothers think we should be able to do it all, that other mothers do it all, and we are expected to do it all. We reason, "we've made the choice to be mothers, and now we will deal with whatever motherhood throws our way." Life situations from unexpected pregnancy