Sometimes You Need an Interpreter
Or to turn back from following after you;
For wherever you go, I will go;
And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
Your people shall be my people,
And your God, my God.
Ruth 1:16
The many years of history you shared with your son have built the relationship you have with him now. The years were full of happy, caring and loving experiences, as well as hard experiences. You went through them together. You also had misunderstandings the two of you wrestled with and resolved. That combination fostered the strong, trusting relationship you both enjoy. You know his heart and he knows yours. Communication at this point in your lives is easy.
Your time with your son's wife is obviously quite a bit shorter and is at least in some part filtered through your son. As much as you may want it, your relationship with her will never be what she has experienced with her own mother. You just don't have that history. Still, your relationship with her has its own unique place and your desire and her's is to enjoy a strong trusting relationship with good communication.
That desire is a great beginning but not without difficulties. The insecurities of a relatively new relationship may skew the intent of words spoken. It is possible for either of you to say something that is misunderstood or that triggers something not known from the past.
After Naomi lost her husband and both sons, she was clearly bitter while feeling both old and useless. She made plans to go home to Bethlehem and encouraged both her daughters-in-law to do the same. But Ruth wanted desperately to stay with Naomi. Naomi was now, the only living connection she had with her late husband.
They had grief in common, but the seasons of life were different, and how they dealt with grief was different. This caused a disconnect in communication.
If Ruth's husband had still been alive, maybe he would have said the following to each of them:
"Ruth, mom is really at a bad place since Dad died. She is telling you to go home because she wants you to have a good life and she feels old and useless.""Mom, Ruth really wants to be a part of your family and have a relationship with you. She feels like you don't want her and are pushing her away."
Ruth's husband was no longer living and could not help, but your son can. He is in a unique position. The love he has for both of you gives him an ability that no one else in your lives possess, not to fix communication problems, but to put them in context. He knows the heart of his wife and the heart of his mother. He has the ear of both and the trust of both. There is an interpretation that he can offer to both women regarding intent and motive and it is valuable. When the women desire to have a close relationship, they will be able to receive his interpretation as helping their communication and not see it as him taking sides. Eventually the two women will build a long history with a strong, trusting relationship of their own. What a gift to the man they both love.
May we always listen with ears attuned to the other woman's world and offer grace.
Comments