Crisis of Belief
His death caught us all by surprise. Eleven years earlier he had a massive heart attack not before but after walking in the hospital door. God spared his life. Five years later his surgeon found his chest cavity full of cancer. He removed nothing, sewed him up and gave us no hope. Yet he went into remission and the cancer never returned in his lifetime. God spared his life again.
Fast forward six years. In October of 2003 Daddy got bronchitis. He couldn't shake it. Our fear was that the cancer was back but every test, and there were many, showed the contrary. No cancer.
The night before he died there were visitors. Daddy loved people and he enjoyed every minute. While he enjoyed the fellowship, it was getting harder for him to breathe. We were blessed that the entire family got there in time to visit with him. As the hours went by, friends left and it was just family. Daddy was with Mother, his three children and their spouses, and his seven grandchildren, his favorite place in all the world. But the oxygen was increased to the maximum, his breathing was labored, and he was in tremendous pain. We were losing him.
One by one the grandchildren spoke final words to him. It was emotional and difficult beyond words. When my son, Stephen took his turn, he talked about Daddy seeing Jesus soon. I cried even harder. The grandchildren filed out and then it was just Daddy, Mother, my sister and me. We huddled together. My first thoughts were about Stephen's words and I felt a little bit of panic. I was a believer and had been teaching Bible for most of my life but suddenly I thought "Don't go Daddy! What if it's not true?"
Henry Blackaby in his book Experiencing God, calls this a "crisis of belief." I have referred to this teaching of his many times in my own teaching. We know what the Bible says. We say we believe what Jesus taught. But suddenly when we are in the throws of the worst of life, there is a crisis - Are we going to believe it now? Is this something we just talk about or do we really believe it? The crisis reveals what we really believe.
You see I believed that Jesus died in my place, in my daddy's place, for our sin, for our many sins. I believed that He was the perfect sacrifice and neither I nor my daddy deserved what He did for us. More than that, I believed that He conquered death and that God brought Him back to life again after three days. I believed that He is alive right now and that when those who received Him die, they too go to heaven to be with Him. Daddy loved the Lord and had received Jesus as his Savior many years ago.
I sat on Daddy's bed and held his hand most of the night. His great big hand made me feel safe and tucked in. I told God that I did not want Daddy to go. I told God that I was afraid that all I professed to believe might not be true. I brought my daddy's hand to my face and I kept talking to God. As the night went on, Daddy slipped farther and farther away but God's peace and assurance eased completely into my heart and mind. I had taken my fears to the right place. I cried to Jesus and said what the man in Mark 9:24 said "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
In the end, I couldn't stop Daddy from dying, but I could trust Jesus to be who He said He is and do what He says He will do. Daddy died in the wee hours November 15, 2003. He went to be with Jesus.
Two weeks later my brother died. He is also with Jesus.
“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions;if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.” Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."
John 14:1-6
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