Roots and Wings

I only had two children. I was not one of those girls that always dreamed of having children but I guess I thought I would someday. I'm pretty sure God smiled as he watched my husband and I discussing and ultimately deciding where we would put that on our calendar. He had His own plans and blessed us with Leah six months ahead of our carefully thought out schedule. What I remember most about those early hours were my tears and marvel over the perfection I held in my arms. I could not believe how much I loved her. 

Psalm 127:5 says "Happy is the man that hath his quiver full." Five arrows. Five, I decided, was the perfect number of children. But I couldn't bear to have another until I could quit work. It hurt too much to leave. So it was four years before I had Stephen. He was every bit as wonderful and perfect as Leah and though I feared I might not love him as much as I did his sister, my heart again swelled with an unexplainable love. I was so happy and so content and soon realized my quiver was full long before I got to five.

People laugh when I say that I wanted five children until I had Stephen. The truth is, I had one in each arm, one at each side, one in each hand. I knew if I had another, I would have to let go of one of them. I just couldn't do it. The years in which they grew and matured were rich and satisfying. They both grew up to be young adults that I am very proud. 

The other part of that full quiver that I did not realize at the time, was the fact that they were arrows. Arrows are meant to be shot out. So with the growing up came letting go. I let go of one first, then the other. 

They are happy and doing well, married to the spouses God has blessed them with and pursuing God's plan for their lives. Just as they should be. We celebrated Thanksgiving this week. They were all home - There was a lot of laughter, togetherness and not much sleep. 

And now they are gone and I let go again. 

What a strange mixture of sadness and satisfaction.