Marilyn's Mussings

Entreat me not to leave you, Or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, And your God, my God. Ruth 1:16 NKJV During the late 1970's and early 1980's, this was a much loved scripture chosen many times to be read at weddings. As a young woman, I too loved it and thought it to be romantic. The fact that it was in the Bible made it all the better. While these words are beautiful when read aloud and are certainly fitting for a wedding, the context of the scripture is not about a marriage relationship at all. They are words spoken by a woman to her mother-in-law. The life story of that woman, Ruth and her mother-in-law, Naomi, is written in the Old Testament book of Ruth. God used the lives of these real women to tell about the coming Christ, our Redeemer, who would come years later from the lineage of Ruth. Naomi, her husband and two sons found themselves in the midst of a fami...

From the moment they put him in your arms, he captured your heart. You wondered how it was possible to instantly love him so much. But you did, and it was wonderfully satisfying. You were forever a willing captive to that love. You took that precious blue bundle home and showered him with love, kisses and snuggles. The two of you began a journey in which your lives would forever be intertwined.  By the time he was a toddler, he was your little man. You cared for him, prayed for him and supported him in every aspect of his life. You were there when he fell off his big wheel, kicked the soccer ball and struggled with his math facts. When he asked Jesus to come into his heart, you were there too and you got to watch him grow in his faith. You prayed him through middle school and prayed for the woman he would marry. In what seemed like a blink of the eye, your little man became a responsible, accomplished grown man.  Somewhere close to the same time that you were snuggling with yo...

While I was teaching at Jacksonville State University, students many times would wait after class to ask questions. One day a young man approached me with quite a different question. "You are a Christian, aren't you?" he said. During the conversation that followed, I learned that he too was a believer in Jesus Christ and we formed a friendship. He had an elderly grandmother who lived in Gadsden, where I lived, and she was a member of Twelfth Street Baptist Church, where my membership was. She had been a shut-in for some time and I had never met her.  A few years after John graduated, his grandmother died and I went to the funeral home hoping to see him and offer my condolences. I walked into the parlor where her family was receiving friends and did not see John. I had not so much as seen a picture of her or any other member of the family. I suddenly panicked and wondered if I had walked into the wrong place! That's a little bit how I felt this morning when we went to ...

We were living in Japan in the Fall of 1967 and Billy Graham was coming to Tokyo. The whole church buzzed with excitement. As they made plans to take a group each night, I made plans to invite my friend Maya. Maya did not attend our church, her family was Catholic, but she was a good friend and I loved her. She was as excited as I was at the prospect of an adventure to Tokyo and ran into her house to ask her mother if she could go. Maya's mother said yes, but with one requirement. She had to go to confession first. My 11 year old mind was puzzled. Not knowing the mind of her mother, I still wonder if she wanted to make sure Maya was all "confessed up" before going to a religious gathering, or if it was such a bad thing to go hear the protestant evangelist that she needed to confess ahead of time. So I dismissed the whole priest thing at that point and decided that was for Catholics and the Old Testament.  You can do that for a while...until you read Hebrews. God began app...

It was Leah's birthday and her big present was a new desk for her room. Stephen was four and very excited to be in on the secret. We emphasized over and over that he was not to tell Leah about the gift. That evening, the cake was set before her and the candles were lit. Before we could sing the first note of "Happy Birthday," Stephen blurted out "We got you a present and it's not a desk!" Kids are easy to read, so much so that many times there's no reading involved, just listening. Adults, however are much more savvy. Knocks in life teach us to hide thoughts and feelings that might make us vulnerable. Even in our inner dialog, we may question, spin, and justify motives until we have masked the truth from ourselves. God knows, but a busy life is fertile soil for not acknowledging Him in those matters. Hebrews 4:12 is a verse we all love and many have memorized.  For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword. It speaks of the p...

Being a mother is a journey. The responsibility is huge, but the joy is even greater. At the outset, our lives are immediately and forever changed because our hearts are involved in a different way than ever before. The change prepares us for the trip but also makes us vulnerable along the way.  As we go, we bask on the mountaintops of exceeding joy and struggle through the valleys of difficulty. The shared adventures of happiness, sadness, laughter and tears, provide a strong bond for the family of origin. When our children marry, our journey changes but is not over. It is enriched, first by their spouses, then by their children. Just as the mother's family multiplies, so does her love. The heart has a great capacity to love. Our children's spouses are a treasured part of our family and we receive them with joy. But the excessive and outrageous love one feels for a grandchild is a mystery. Mixed up in there somewhere is the inseparable love for their parents. Where one stops ...

Before I began writing about mothering mothers, I survey between forty and fifty young mothers. I asked them to tell me what they need from their mothers and mothers-in-law. They were to include both things they need and have, and things they need but do not have. I found their comments to fall into four general categories: Affirmation and Encouragement Boundaries Help Unconditional Love By far the most comments were about unconditional love. What a great reminder. The unconditional love that flooded our hearts when we became mothers is still what they crave most. A fresh reading of 1 Corinthians 13 as the mother of a mother is powerful! Love and pray for them as they make decisions and establish their own traditions. Support them as they blend two new families in a world that differs from the one in which they were raised. Loving them unconditionally through this process will provide them not only affirmation, but security also. Offer them advice when asked but tell them often ...

I remember the first time I took my sixteen-month-old grandson to lunch. It was our first excursion for just the two of us and I was so delighted to spend time with the little man. But oh my! I had forgotten how much was involved. It began with me juggling Jonathan, money, and mandarin oranges at the cash register, and ended with renegade milk leaping into the air while I grabbed for my running toddler! Mothers need help! But asking for help is sometimes difficult. In What Every Mom Needs , Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall recognize that "most of us go to great lengths on our own before actually asking for help."  The reasons for this are varied but most boil down to a feeling of guilt. Somehow we as mothers think we should be able to do it all, that other mothers do it all, and we are expected to do it all. We reason, "we've made the choice to be mothers, and now we will deal with whatever motherhood throws our way." Life situations from unexpected pregnancy ...

The powerful influence of a mother in a woman’s life cannot be overstated. She longs for your affirmation and will receive it partly in how you exhibit trust in her by respecting the choices she makes as a mother. It is important to remember that God has entrusted your grandchild to his parents. They are a team, responsible to each other and to God. When they make decisions that differ from their family of origin, no judgment or criticism should be implied. Just as we stood on the sidelines cheering them on as they worked together with sports or academic teams, encouragement and support from us is most effective. They are directly involved in the "game" and God Himself is their "coach." While we resist the temptation to correct or criticize the parenting style, if the child’s well-being is in danger she should be told. She wants that. One mother said "Tell me if I am making a horrible mistake!" However, most of what we want to share is preference an...

Unlike the workforce, being a mother has no purposeful time-line for evaluation and the little ones who say thank you, do so at her direction. If you are a woman of influence in a young mother's life, tell her how proud you are of her as a mother. Acknowledge how hard she works. Tell her often and be specific. Empty flattery is worthless but a casual observation of this young woman's day yields plenty to highlight. Find out what mode of communication the young mother in your life enjoys. A note in the mail or words on her facebook wall might be just the pick-me-up she needs. An encouraging text message straight from the scripture is always good.  I was busy at home one day enjoying a sweet memory of my last visit with my daughter and grandson. He was less than a year old, but as she corrected him she talked to him about making good choices. My heart swelled as I thought about what a good mother she was. Then I suddenly realized that more than enjoying that warm fuzzy feeling,...