What Your Grandchild's Mother Want Most From You Is Unconditional Love

Before I began writing about mothering mothers, I survey between forty and fifty young mothers. I asked them to tell me what they need from their mothers and mothers-in-law. They were to include both things they need and have, and things they need but do not have. I found their comments to fall into four general categories:

1. Affirmation and Encouragement
2. Boundaries
3. Help
4. Unconditional Love

By far the most comments were about unconditional love. What a great reminder. The unconditional love that flooded our hearts when we became mothers is still what they crave most. A fresh reading of 1 Corinthians 13 as the mother of a mother is powerful!

Love and pray for them as they make decisions and establish their own traditions. Support them as they blend two new families in a world that differs from the one in which they were raised. Loving them unconditionally through this process will provide them not only affirmation, but security also. Offer them advice when asked but tell them often that they are loved. Assure them that there is no condition in which your love will be withdrawn.

What I heard the young mothers say was "Love me! Love my child!" So I will finish with more comments from their own hearts. As you read this small sampling, listen with your heart - the heart of a mother. 

Love Me:
"I need her to love me unconditionally. To really love me."

"I need love. I need to know they love me even when I am hard to love."

"Remember that I am a broken, sinful, imperfect person. Be merciful with me and forgiving."

"Say I love you."

"I need her to approve of my husband and support him."

"Be there to talk when I need it."

"Call me to keep in touch because sometimes I forget to call."

"She is real with me. I don't feel like she is unapproachable about things. I can talk to her because she doesn't judge me or make me feel stupid."

"Do not expect me to trust you when you have not attempted to get to know me during our marriage and all of a sudden have a great interest in being my friend after a baby arrives."

"Treat the son or daughter-in-law much like the real daughter or son. There will always be a difference but it is nice to feel included. . . Talk about the other side of the family to the child. . . Ask about [their] family."  

Love My Child:
"Listen to me brag on my baby without comparing to the other grandbaby. Totally ok if you do it in your head."

"Be excited about the first word, step, smile, even though you have already experienced it before."

"I need her to WANT to spend time with me and the kids."

"She never tires of my children. I know that she gets worn out sometimes . . . but she never acts like she would rather be somewhere else with someone else."

"To a grandmother who has multiple grandchildren . . . try and give them equal attention/love . . . It can divide families and hurt feelings if one grandchild has all the photos in the house, etc."

"If you are wanting to keep the grandchild, don't wait to be asked, offer. If you don't . . . it appears you don't want to . . .we won't ask because we don't want you to feel obligated."