Your Grandchild's Mother Needs Help

I remember the first time I took my sixteen-month-old grandson to lunch. It was our first excursion for just the two of us and I was so delighted to spend time with the little man. But oh my! I had forgotten how much was involved. It began with me juggling Jonathan, money, and mandarin oranges at the cash register, and ended with renegade milk leaping into the air while I grabbed for my running toddler!

Mothers need help! But asking for help is sometimes difficult. In What Every Mom Needs, Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall recognize that "most of us go to great lengths on our own before actually asking for help."  The reasons for this are varied but most boil down to a feeling of guilt. Somehow we as mothers think we should be able to do it all, that other mothers do it all, and we are expected to do it all. We reason, "we've made the choice to be mothers, and now we will deal with whatever motherhood throws our way." Life situations from unexpected pregnancy to medical help for conception add to that mindset in their own way.

Asking may be hard because she fears judgment, has a hard time letting go of control, or is simply too busy to ask. Whatever the reason, meet her where she is. Ask how you can help the young mother in your life and keep listening even if she tells you she doesn't need anything. Find out if she is more comfortable with you helping wherever you see a need or if she prefers to tell you specifics. Make it safe for her but be assured that she needs help. If you need to be asked before you feel comfortable helping, tell her. Good communications is key for both parties.

In surveying young mothers, I gathered a list of how mothers need help and how they have been helped by mothers. It was extensive and touching. But the general theme was as follows. "Offer Help. Don't wait to be asked. Anything helps. Anything you like to do and want to do is appreciated." There was also appreciation for unsolicited help. "Every time I had my plate full she was there to lend a hand." Here are a few other comments.

"A mom who is willing to rock, pace, sing to a colicky baby even though none of it helps. She smiles as if she is having the time of her life."

"Amazing willingness to come and help any time of the day at the drop of a hat."

"Babysit and allow time for us to build our marriage relationship."

"Spiritually I see her teaching me how to teach my child."

I also received many comments about mothers help with cooking, gardening, decorating, sewing, parenting advice, childcare, laundry, and sick children. 

You have great value and she wants to know what you know!